The joy of teaching

Being a teacher is not without its perks; I'm sure many teachers will agree. Please do not get me wrong, there are days where I look at the students staring blankly at me or shouting and throwing pieces of their table and think to myself; Why would anyone put themselves through this torture day in day out for the entirety of their lives?

Anyway, the big perk for me is just some of the funny stuff these kids come out with... pure gold. I felt I should share some of these moments with you.

When asking a child to form a sentence using the word "bee."
Student: My mother is not bee......... ..... ?

During a game of scattegories, the letter is R; category is animals: A middle school student yells out with such pride... "RION!" after a short explanation as to why this is wrong whilst his fellow students laugh to themselves, the next category is girls names... once again with pure pride the boy yells "RIORA!!!" His friends next to him crack up and all start shouting L around the room.

"I have many books. In these books I have a diary. The diary is empty. This is because I can't write words. This is because I am dead."
- What I get when I ask middle schoolers to write a story about books.

Teacher: What is bob doing in the living room?
Student: Tv?
Teacher: YES! Watching tv... ok can we make a sentence... Bob *blank* watching tv. Fill the blank...
Student: MONKEY?

^^ yes that is David Beckham giving me a headshot...

Playing a game of word "go fish" and a middle schooler seems to have figured out the basic formula to making words. He throws together "H,E,M,P" I ask him to make a sentence and out of panic he says "Hemp is delicious" I only then let him look the word up on his dictionary at which point whilst trying to hide his face in horror he retracts his previous statement.

Teacher: Who is your best friend? Describe them.
Student: My best friend is Obama, he has black skin and smart and has good character.

I hope you enjoyed these moments as much as I did and remember;

Pepero Day

For years I have heard phrases like "consumer" and "greeting card" holidays but these have only really ever been used to describe days such as Valentines day and in some cases the modern versions of Easter and Christmas, but S.Korea has actually taken these words to a whole new meaning all together.

Inspired by valentines day, the company Pepero (a brand of chocolate biscuits/bread-sticks much like the more widely spread Japanese "Pocky") decided to celebrate itself on 11/11 purely because the four digits resemble four of the chocolate coated sticks that they market. They claim that the holiday was actually started by a group of middle school girls who on 11/11 gave each other Pepero and repeated to each other "may you grow to be tall and thin like a Pepero," which is fairly ironic as I doubt a bread stick coated in chocolate could ever aid in the growing or dieting process.

As the day has progressed and grown it has become a big tradition here in Korea to buy Pepero in abundance and basically hand it out to anyone you feel like really. Boyfriends are expected to shower their girlfriends in large boxes of the treats or overly sized versions. Children buy D-I-Y kits and decorate their own at home, some just buy backpacks full of it, even bakeries sell their own freshly-baked versions.

As a teacher; I spent my Pepero day being greeted at the beginning of every class with a new box of the stuff and as much as I appreciated the gesture it did make me laugh. I have always laughed at the concept of Easter; buying a disgusting amount of chocolate eggs to hand out to friends only to receive the exact same number of eggs in return as it would only be rude to accept and not to give. The joke was always when the gift giving and receiving was over, you realize that you technically bought yourself a room full of chocolate that isn't really all that good and you probably preferred the brands you gave away anyway.

My collection by the end of the day.

After a few giggles; I began to think to myself just how genius this idea really was. A single company has basically managed to create a national holiday that all children adore and take part in every year. I would love to know how much Pepero sales actually boost by in November. The only figure I was able to actually find was on wiki which says;

"Lotte usually does about 55% of their Pepero business in November every year."

I wonder if such an concept would be possible in other countries; Many people in the UK and USA already turn their noses up at valentines day claiming that it was created by greeting card companies. I just wonder what would happen if Cadburys or Heinz ever decided to devote a day to celebrating themselves, do you think it could actually hold any success on the other side of the world?

Three Fishy stories...

“I would read my new book but I need to update my facebook… my facebook? I mean… my thing….
BLOG! BLOGGITY BLOG BLOG!”

Wow, my vocabulary has suffered from all the Kongrish I’ve been speaking lately, (for those of you unfamiliar with Kongrish; it is the simplified English mixed with a dose of Korean basics, which can pretty much be used to get you by living in Korea.)

I wanted to tell some stories, just a couple of funny and odd moments. Completely coincidentally, the three stories I ended up writing all appear to have a sort of “fishy” theme. This is completely unintentional but does make me chuckle as I present to you; Korea, in all its “fishy” glory.

Makgeolli

Makgeolli; a foul drink served in massive pots, which they say is made from rice (much like many Asian alcoholic beverages) and as Andrew so delicately puts it; “It tastes like the water you collect from your drain pipes.”

Obviously you don’t drink it for its taste. It can be perceived as a Korean drinking game of sorts. The more you drink; the more free food they bring you. Once you have drunk a good few rounds, (enough to make the rest of your night a bit of a haze) out comes the grand prize…

THE LIVE OCTOPUS!



Not really something I imagine anyone (other than Koreans) really eats for any other purpose other than to film it and show friends back home to be honest.

Dr.Fish

When I first heard about this it was all I could think about, I just HAD to do it.
Little fish that eat dead skin; do I need to say more to sell this? Little fishies that will give you a pedicure for less than the cost of a cup of coffee.

This is the reality: Little fish are EATING YOUR FEET! Its like a horror movie; you dip your feet in to be attacked by hundreds of hungry little fish; lets be honest, that’s just plain scary.

Ok so I’m over –reacting, once you actually get used to the sensation of the tiny teeth sort of kissing and nibbling at you, it sort of just tickles. When your twenty minutes are up your feet feel all the better for the strange experience they just went through.

Tuna

Alarm bells should have been ringing in my head when my boss first invited us out for a dinner of raw tuna. I’ve learned by now that the Korean way is never the way you expect but somehow learning never seems to stop me.

The night started off as I expected. We sat at a bar and were instantly served sushi; the very normal kind, rectangles of rice with raw tuna delicately laid across it, served with wasabi and soy sauce (delicious to say the least). Next course was also pleasant and interesting, a plate of cold stones, covered in different cuts of tuna, quite an enjoyable experience learning the different textures one fish has to offer. Once we had eaten as much raw fish as we could and were ready to move on to a bar; the chef insists on bringing us a little gift (Service as the Koreans love to call it.)

Out comes, I’m not joking with you here and how I wish I had taken a photo, an entire tuna head. Yes, I said HEAD; cooked up in some shape or form and chopped and crumbled in front of our very eyes. The chef even stood and watched us with enjoyment as we politely dug into the collapsing skull. We did discover that if you close your eyes and pretend your food isn’t grinning at you, it does taste pretty much like a basic tuna steak.

So we’re done, finished, ready to go, oh no of course not, the service is actually yet to come. The chef brings over a beautiful tea pot and a couple of shot glasses; he then proceeds to pour out shots while our boss explains that we will be drinking… wait for it… alcoholic tuna tears… with gold flakes. Now I enjoy cocktails and shots but this is just plain ridiculous.

A shout out of “one shot” and down the hatch it goes. Now I’ve just swallowed something that I feel can only be described as flemmy and potent and I’m ready to grab the first thing I see to drink or chew just to forget about what was now entering my digestive system.

I open my eyes (did I mention my eyes were closed? No never mind). I open my eyes to see a piece of food being held in front of my mouth. I grab, chew and swallow without a moment of hesitation. The second I hear myself gulp down the mysterious food, I begin to wonder what it is I’ve just eaten. My boss, already laughing at me, proceeds to inform me that I had just eaten tuna BRAIN… Now I’m not sure if my next discovery makes it better or worse but the chef informs my boss that he is mistaken and that it was in fact the tendon behind the tuna’s eye.

Now I’m done, finished and ready to go, full of raw tuna, tuna head, tuna tears, tuna eye tendon. I’m done with tuna for a while to say the least...

... and with fish in general if I'm honest.

Blog grooming. Injoy it.

Writing something like a blog or a diary is hard. Not necessarily the act of writing it or finding the words, more that it needs to be maintained; like a pet or a garden. If it goes unkempt or forgotten, even for a short while… its death is pretty imminent.

I recently re-discovered this old blog, to find that it was so out of date, I wouldn’t even know where to begin on the next entry; almost made me want to scrap it and start all over again but that just felt like a waste of words. So how do you begin a story that actually takes place over seven months without boring the life out of the reader or yourself?

I was nearing an entire year of nothing other than a couple of unsteady shifts, frustrations, arguments and boredom that was only held together by video games, a couple of faithful friends and the hope that things would soon improve. I had finally had enough, the fear that this cycle would continue on for another year was far too great to just sit back and watch it happen. So long story short, I signed a contract, packed my bags and left the country; trying my hardest not to look back. The flight took me back to a country I hadn’t visited since the day I left in 1995 (I think that’s when I left at least), Australia. Those few weeks were great and almost tempted me to never leave.

I have been thinking for days, trying to find the right way to word my time in Australia. The problem is Australia was nice, the people were nice, the weather was nice, my family and friends were nice, the food was nice; hardly going to make the most exciting read really. I had a great time out there, I wasn’t a tourist, I didn’t do tourist things, I was at home meeting family and seeing a different life that kind of motivated me to work towards a goal that I didn’t even know I wanted until then. So I guess I’ll leave it at that; Australia was nice for a lack of a better word or thesaurus.

Onto another plane and over to Taipei, which had very little to offer me other than a night of being delusional in a motel room and waking up sitting in a bath with a cup of green tea and a diary entry next to me at about 4am very confused. Nothing to tempt me to stay any longer, next plane, next stop South Korea.

I arrived only to be stopped by sniffer dogs; I laughed, thinking it was because I had been carrying brie in my bag, after a quick explanation the security guard laughed and let me go… in hindsight; I realise I was using my brothers old backpack which might have been the cause of attention. I was re-united with Andy, hopped on a bus to Jeonju and, well, everything between then and now is a bunch of short stories; anecdotes and a lot of boring work related moments.

So long story short, here I am, teaching English in the city of Jeonju of South Korea. I live in a small apartment with my boyfriend Andy; I go to work and teach children English (to the ones who listen at least) and live a slightly more exciting life than the one I was living when I had all the time in the world to maintain a blog.

Images: © Leora Bermeister

The writer who never writes

Today was a “Me Day”…
Okay, so every day is a “Me Day” but that’s beside the point. I wandered around my house for a while; trying to think up a productive use for the day and out of no-where a sudden desire hit me;
A bubble bath!

Why not? I had time to kill and as most women and many men will admit, bubble baths are a pleasure, which require time to be appreciated. I thought of taking some wine or beer to the tub with me but looking at the time ( about Mid-day) I realized it may be a tad early to start drinking; wouldn’t want my friends calling AA on me.

So there I was, lying in the tub, over-flowing with bubbles. At first I felt like a woman of luxury, I imagined a scene in an old Audrey Hepburn film; that soon faded and very quickly I felt like a small child excited by the bubbles, playing and giving myself a Santa beard.

Some time passed, the novelty wore down and while I lay there listening to the bubbles pop I felt a desire to write. I felt like I needed to write something, anything, it didn’t seem to matter what or whether it would be any good or not. I kept laughing to myself that I wanted to call myself a writer but I never wrote. (The writer who never writes. Ha.) The problem was that I knew that nothing was ever going to come out sitting in the confines of my bedroom, which I’ve taken to calling my cell.

I quickly jumped out of the bath and got myself dressed and ready to go, leaving a trail of bubbles behind me. I grabbed nothing more than a few CD’s, a notebook, pen and my keys and drove without really thinking of where to end up. After a quick trip to my old favourite building, the church in my nearest village (I’m not Christian by the way, I just love this Church) I sadly find the doors locked up and I took a drive to a spot that I felt needed re-visiting. A little lay-by by a river where myself and a number of my old friends used to go when we needed to take some time out from what we thought were the stresses of life and being young; how naive we were.

So I sat in my car and tried to write; the first thing I did was accept that I was NOT going to write a masterpiece, I was out of practice and had little inspiration or thoughts to provoke anything mind blowing; so I just wrote. Now, please don't get this wrong; I grew tired of my terrible poetry/songs long ago but I think I just felt like doing it for the sake of it. The rhyming was basic, the verses were simple but it felt good to create something, even if it was a pile of c**p.

So to conclude; if you're ever stuck in a bit of a rut with nothing to do;
TAKE A BUBBLE BATH!

Now back to the Xbox :)



A segment from what I wrote today;

“For the Writer who doesn’t write,
For the fighter with no one to fight,
For the vegetarian who eats meat,
For the walker with the sore feet,
For the friend you know will never call,
For the friend who seems to know it all,
For the drunk with nothing left to drink,
For the educated who can't seem to think,
For the driver who can’t seem to drive,
For the living who don’t feel alive.

For the Violent Pacifist filled with rage,
Who’s time has passed, who’s lost their age,
For the crying girl who hides her face,
For the lonely ones, who’ve lost their place,
For the burning that has lost its light,
For all the good who've forgotten what's right...

... Believe and walk and laugh and cry,
Before its time,
To say goodbye.

... For the writer with no words left to write,
becomes a fighter with something to fight...”

Images: © Lucas Vale

PACMAN

My recent addiction to this god-forsaken retro game has given me time to think about the development of the gaming world and I have a number of points I’d like to raise.

I honestly believe that AI has not really developed. I swear, stick an army suit on those ghosts and make the world 3d, maybe give Pacman a gun or something and we’d pretty much have any of the games out at the moment. The ghosts have always been smart, they know when you’re weak so they chase you, they know when you’re strong so they run… I’m not even sure if most of the modern games enemies understand that premise.

Next is the intensity of the game. Yes, I understand the graphics lack… well, graphics… and its not really much to look at but I challenge any one to sit and play that game without the same intensity of any Playstation 3 or Xbox 360 game.
Picture it, you’re being chased by 4 alpha enemies through a dark passage, only lit by the tiny balls of light that guide your way. You find your ammo, you’re ready to take them on… but your ammo is limited, in no time at all you’ve made it through the maze, hunted down your prey only to find your ammo gone and once again, the enemy is strong. You run for your life but they’ve cornered you, coming at you from all sides… you accept your fate. Next life.

My last and final point is on the longevity of the game. I have often thought of what makes something retro or stand the test of time and I think I finally understand what created longevity of this game. A game needs to be easy enough to play but impossible to win. Pacman’s controls are simple and can keep you hooked for hours, days, years and apparently decades but I challenge you to complete a game. I have tried and failed over and over again, I’m pretty sure this game will stick around till we’ve evolved into a higher species with bigger brains and faster thumbs that can handle it.

So to conclude, Pacman… I hate bloody Pacman. Stupid ghosts.

I’m going to go play some Pacman now. Wakka Wakka Wakka… Bye. Wakka.

Where do the qualified go?

Hi, I’m Leora, Your local unemployed graduate with nothing better to do than write a blog in the hope of entertaining her fellow unemployed graduates and the lucky few who get paid to sit around and stare at other peoples blogs online. Lucky bastards.

So now what to blog about?
Considering my life has spiraled into a world of Xbox, coffee, biscuits and job applications, I don’t really have all that much to talk about. Maybe I should take a moment to think about what has put me into this place I like to refer to as the bottom of the rock… Its fairly dark down here and smells a little bit like the old fat lady you try to avoid making eye contact with behind the counter at your local Tescos.

The reason for my sentence? I’m being punished for thinking that 3 years of hard work and drinking would amount to some sort of career. University is slowly starting to seem like some sort of con created by the alcohol industry to suck young people dry of all their worth and have them shoved into a life time of alcohol related debt. Lets not go into the health related harms of university… my liver and I are happy to live in the La-La land of denial.

Now, after three years of this supposed “education” where can us “educated” types be found? Ah yes, sitting behind counters, standing on shop floors, serving you food or even worse, writing terrible blogs about the life of the unemployed. The one thing that I have thought about over and over is, where do they all go? I rarely meet graduates these days, students yes, but graduates... there must be a secret underground hide-out where they all go and live in a economically stable society.

Don’t get me wrong; I like to be a “glass is half full” sort of person so I’ve decided that we’ll have a positive point of the day. Let me see; ah yes:
On the upside, showering is no longer a necessity.

Anyways, I’ve ranted for long enough so; I’m hoping to start writing these regularly, mainly because staring at walls and wondering how hard I can bash my head against them is starting to ware thin and these should help to pass the time and hopefully keep you fairly entertained. I’m thinking of throwing in some film reviews and youtube links so yeah, go on, subscribe.

Footnote:

Can someone please explain this whole “VAT Reduction” thing to me, I’m not quite understanding how paying 3p less for my underwear and socks is going to make thousands of peoples redundant lives suddenly worth living?